The Journey of a Thousand Miles....

Well... here I am... fully embracing the technology of the 21st century... although, honestly, if I only ever have one follower (me) then that doesn't bother me... I'm just doing this for myself.

So why am I engaging in this rather self-indulgent activity, you ask?  Why not just write in a journal the old fashioned way?  Valid questions.  The simple answer is that a) I spend so much time at my computer anyway that it's just easier to sit down and type, and b) I figured that if by some miracle I do get followers, then perhaps my thoughts might entertain and encourage others.  I once fancied myself a writer and had dreams of becoming an author (I was 12, okay?) so I'm hoping this will be a way to get in touch with that inner scribe.

Okay... so the real reason I had the notion to start writing a blog:  I've been going through a pretty difficult time over the past couple of months (the end of a six year relationship, my decision) and have started on a journey to finding myself (didn't even realize how utterly lost I was either).  I know that I will never truly be the same person I was before because we are constantly changing and evolving and are shaped by our life's experiences.  But, I want to get as close to that woman I was once upon a time.  Well, scratch that.  I want to be even better than the woman I used to be.  When I ended my relationship, people kept telling me to start doing things for me.  Enter my friend Amy, who asked if I wanted to take belly dancing lessons with her.  I said, "Sounds great!"  Let me interject here though, and say, I am not a small girl.  Whether it was because I fell into the comfort trap of a relationship or whether it was because I ate in response to stress, the end result is that I am at my heaviest weight EVER.  And I am 5'1 1/2 (yes, the 1/2 inch is important).  I've never been thin, but I have been at a healthier weight and more accepting of my body.  So, I have weight issues and all the emotional bits that go with it.  But back to the belly dancing.  The majority of people have been supportive and encouraging, telling me that this is an excellent way to not only get some exercise but also get in touch with myself as a woman and embrace who that person is.  Well, this sounds like exactly what I need!  I was pumped and ready to go! 

And then life does what it typically does, and threw a bit of a wrench in my excitement.  I mentioned that I was going to start taking these lessons, and someone close to me did not react so positively.  For a few minutes I thought that I had spontaneously grown a couple of extra heads or something, based on the look I got, which was also followed by the statement, "That'd be like me taking ballet classes."  Not good for the self-confidence.  This affected me so much that I started thinking that I didn't even want to take the class and that I'd simply look like Shamu attempting to dance.  Have I mentioned that I am struggling with serious negative self-talk?  I'm working on it.  Thank goodness for the amazing friends that I have who encouraged me to follow through and to basically say, "F*** you" to negativity. 

So this blog, for now, is about my experiences over the next six weeks while I take my belly dancing lessons.  I don't know what will happen at the end of it, but I'm hoping that it's just the first step in my journey to discovering myself.