Hips Don't Lie...

First of all, can I just say how absurdly difficult I find it to sit and write out my thoughts, even though it's just about belly dancing class?  I'm guessing the very public forum and the fact that I'm very out of practice when it comes to committing thought to paper (virtually/virally in this case) are to blame.  Case in point: Even listening to an online classical music radio station is not helping.  :/

I'd also like to say that I'm a little behind in getting up to speed on my first belly dancing class (it occurred on Wednesday).  What can I say?  It's been an emotional week, and I've had a lot of things on my mind.  But anyhoo, here I am!  

I'd like to say that my transformation began as soon as I walked in the door to the dance studio.  I wish that were the case.  One thing you need to know about me:  I am a perfectionist.  While this occasionally floods over into expectations of those around me, mainly it is focused on myself.  I am not usually a jump all in hands, head and feet first kind of person.  I am constantly thinking, thinking, thinking.  And this thinking occurs rapidly.  I don't make many decisions without putting a lot of thought into it, regardless of how reckless my decisions may seem to some because I don't talk about it.  But trust me, I HAVE thought about it.  Obviously, I am not just talking about taking belly dancing.  I digress... usually once I've made my mind up to do something, I stick with that decision.  I have found lately, however, that I have felt quite indecisive.  I make a decision to do something (even as simple as to go out to a movie) and then back track.  I'm usually much more reliable.  So with this in mind, it shouldn't surprise me that in my head, I was hesitant to go to that belly dancing class.  I also worry... Will I be able to keep up?  Will I be the biggest person there?  Will I look like shamu dancing?  What if the others are better than me?  Yeah, I said it... it's not that I have to be the best... I just strive for it.  That also doesn't mean I'm not a team player; I do want others to succeed.  Like I said, my perfectionist nature is mainly focused on me.

So, despite all of this stuff going on in my head, and also likely a big factor was that my mom was driving me (I do not have a vehicle and gratefully have a generous mother who is willing to chauffeur my arse around), I went to class.  I tentatively opened the door to the studio and immediately felt relief when I saw my friend Amy and also saw that there was only one other person in the class with us.  The studio looked very lovely, dimly lit and smelled of incense.  Very non-threatening.  It also helps that our instructor is not a stick-thin woman.  Also non-threatening.  I did not completely relax though because I was still in a bit of negative head space (based on the incident that occurred a couple of days before) and had all those concerns going on in my head.

I really had no idea what belly dancing is like when I said I'd take the class.  In my head I was thinking of the Bollywood routines that I've seen on So You Think You Can Dance, even though I know it's not the same.  But this was my frame of reference.  I usually do homework when approaching a new adventure, so I know what to expect.  I don't do spontaneous well.  I have so not been myself lately.  But I'm proud of myself for committing to doing something new and strange, and following through.  I took ballroom dancing lessons probably about six or seven years ago, and did enjoy myself while doing that.  I love dance.  I just don't do it very well.

I will not bore with play-by-play details of the entire class.  There are a few things I found noteworthy.  First off, as anyone who has taken dance knows, typically you face a mirrored wall.  I HATE watching myself in the mirror.  I'd say I spent probably 80% of the class watching the instructor and my neighbour instead of watching myself.  It is so incredibly uncomfortable for me to do this, so, goal #1 for week two is to force myself to concentrate on me.  The other important thing to note is how difficult the basic moves are for me.  Isolating hip and shoulder movements is not easy.  It was only week one: I'll give myself that... can't expect to get everything down in the first week.

I really don't know how I was feeling as I left that first lesson.  I find that I have so much going on in my head battling for priority that it delays my processing speed.  I do know this: I need to allow myself the joy of being in the moment, instead of moving on to other thoughts as soon as I walk out that studio door.  I am still getting positive feedback from people about my decision to take classes (funny though how that one negative response resounds so strongly despite the multitude of positive).  The nurse at my doctor's office had pointed advice: Enjoy this because you're doing it for you and forget what other people have to say.  I know she's not the first person to say this; it just brought the point home.  Which is goal #2: To leave the negativity at the door (including my own) and to enjoy what I'm doing.  In actuality, this really should be my goal in all aspects of my life.  Life I've said many times already, I'm working on it...