In this class you always get a Do-over...

I have lots of people asking me about my belly dancing and wondering if I am going to blog about it again.   So here goes.  After completing the 6 week beginner course, Anne and I decided that we weren't ready to move on to the next level, so we signed up for the full 10 week beginner course.

It's amazing how different people change the dynamics of a group.  Our new classmates created such a fun and light-hearted atmosphere in class that was so refreshing. It made every week enjoyable and when one girl wasn't there, it was noticeable and she was missed.  I felt less serious and more relaxed during this ten weeks.  I was still focused on doing my very best and learning the moves so I look graceful and beautiful.

Our instructor has a rule: You always get a do-over.  Anne and I started our do-over of beginner level I at the start  of the new year.  I was determined to make 2011 about a million times better than 2010 (which wouldn't take much, honestly, considering the absolute $#!* year it was).  I slowly gained confidence over that period of 10 weeks and began to feel comfortable in my skin.  The moves aren't perfect but I am committed to being a continuous work in progress.

We continued to improve and felt comfortable enough to move onto beginner level II.  We started the new class at the beginning of April. I am enjoying myself a great deal and continue to try to get the moves right.  I know that it's not about perfection; it's about having fun and learning to love your body as it is. So, I have the first part pretty much down but still struggle with that dratted acceptance of self.  As hard as I try, I know that I won't feel at peace with my body until I've lost weight and feel healthier.  I don't hate my body, but I'm not happy with it either.  I don't feel sexy or attractive while dancing.  I know that how I feel is reflected on the outside and that confidence is one of the most attractive features a person can possess.  I wish I could say that belly dancing has given me back my confidence and that I am fully accepting of me as I am. But this is far from the truth.  I've said it before and I'll say it again: I am a work in progress and I'll get there eventually.  I tend to do everything the hard way which inevitably also means I take the scenic route to any destination.  I have a great deal of respect for women who are able to love their bodies at heavier weights; I wish I knew their secret. I suppose there are people who would say that I need to embrace who I am the way that I am. Except that it's not that easy, at least for me. I also suppose if you told me that I would stay the way I am forever that I would find a way to accept and love the shell. But the fact is that I can get in shape and be healthy. And it is also a fact that I expect myself  to be the very best I can be (aka perfectionism... Wait... Is that a word?).  Don't get me wrong, I like that I have curves and I never want to get rid of them. I just want to feel curvier and less... "thick." Ugh... I feel like I'm pointlessly rambling...

So here's the skinny (hardy-har-har): I love belly dancing for the social aspect and learning something new. While I don't go out to clubs, I do enjoy dancing around the house and working in some belly dance (my favourites being the hip rotation and figure eights). I have gained some confidence but I know that one class isn't going to be life altering to the extent where I walk away a completely new person. I do believe that it's a step in my journey.

As a side note, we are learning how to use veil in our dancing.  It's so beautiful having  fabric float and dance with you. And if we get caught or struggle, there's always the do-over.  :-)